Questions before dating

This question is one ALL of us are discovering and rediscovering on a daily basis, but as a general overview, here are things you might want to know about yourself: I know who (whose) I am in Christ. We are 100% fully loved, accepted, chosen, restored, redeemed and saved.

Don’t wait to hear what your girlfriend/boyfriend’s boundaries are and then decide what yours will be. Do I have a vision for my life and a plan to get there? If there are certain things that are important to you (where you want to live, the job you want to have, how many children you want, etc) then it will make dating easier because you know the kind of life partner you need to partner with. We need people to “do life with.” It’s through relationships that we are held accountable, challenged, experience love, and subsequently grow. Showing other people kindness, value, and love is the mark of a person who looks outside of themselves, or their status, to see other people’s hearts. Do I know how to forgive people and ask forgiveness? ” No one likes to be hurt, and it can be even harder to ask for forgiveness when you’re the one who did the hurting.

This question is referring to personal character and growth, dreams, and your life calling. For example, if you are a very driven person and the person you are dating is not then that could be an area of conflict down the road. We need most (if not all) of the relational roles filled in our lives. Have you accepted Jesus as your personal Lord and Savior? If you have, how are you growing in that relationship? If someone doesn’t treat others with honor and respect, they most likely will not treat you with honor and respect. However, forgiveness left unattended is a wide open door for bitterness to take root, causing people to disconnect spiritually/relationally from one another.

If someone was securely attached to their primary caregiver, they’re more likely to have a secure attachment style now (i.e., they’re not too needy or too distant). What are some examples of when you’ve persisted and succeeded at a long term goal? Is your pot smoking/binge drinking just a being young thing for you or can you imagine wanting to do it your whole life? Rationale: When you fight, is s/he going to fight nice?

Rationale: Attachment style shows a degree of continuity from childhood to adulthood. Are you able to admit when you’ve made a mistake or when your own actions might’ve contributed to a problem?

Since we communicate with our words, facial expressions, tone of voice, and even our body language, we must learn to become people who communicate well. Do you have a plan to keep those boundaries in place? It can sometimes look like compromising to come to an agreement or doing something you wouldn’t normally do because it brings life/joy to another person. Note: Please understand that compromising your core values is not serving.

When you are hurt, rejected, or disappointed you will know how to get out what you are feeling so that manipulation, guilt trips, self-pity, and sarcasm (passive-aggressiveness) will not be weapons you reach for when in conflict. Do I know what my boundaries are and how to keep them? Are you willing to respect the boundaries of others? By life I mean, is your thought life, finances, laundry, house, schedule, etc. Giving and serving one another within relationship is a give and take. Do you ever have a hard time accepting No when you want something? i.e., they think others are attacking them when in fact they are not. Do you ever have a sense of being a failure as a person? Rationale: Does the person have emotional self-awareness?Rationale: Is s/he entitled, disrespectful or needy? If you weren’t doing the job you’re doing now, what would you like to do? Rationale: Is s/he erratic, dysregulated or impulsive-in-a-bad-way? Do you feel confident about your ability to solve everyday problems that come up? Without emotional self-awareness, people can’t easily communicate when they need caring, and that tends to cause problems in relationships. To make an awesome relationship even better, these are great resources for giving your relationship a tune-up.To help find the right questions, we called on three not-yet-married friends who gave some time to thinking about the challenges faced by singles: Lore Ferguson, Paul Maxwell, and the recently engaged Marshall Segal.We ended up with these questions: The Bible commands Christians to marry “in the Lord,” that is, to marry other Christians (1 Corinthians ; 2 Corinthians ).Knowing your limitations (and those of who you’re dating) is an avenue to “protect and preserve” an individual and/or relationship. Do I have a teachable spirit and can I humbly receive feedback (even when it hurts)? Am I responsible and do I know how to take care of things? in order or are you a hot mess that jumps from one thing to another? One person should not be the only one practicing this concept.

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